Sometimes I can’t believe I have to say the things I say every day, let alone how many times I have to say them. Motherhood is no joke, but here are some funny things that mom’s say.
Whats in your mouth? Why does everything have to go in your mouth?
Is that chocolate or poop? This is a game I’ve gotten quite good at. Tip: smell it first. Then smell it again to be sure.
Don’t touch the dog’s wiener. Seriously? Again?
What did you just throw away? We have lost so many remote controls, clothing, silverware, and an abundance of pacifiers.
Did you poop? We are running late so of course you did.
Don’t put your hands in your poop! I don’t need help wiping your butt!
Who farted? Let me be the first to tell you, girls DO fart.
Don’t touch your private parts. If you have a boy, I’m pretty sure this never stops, even into adulthood.
Spit out the dog’s food! As she eats it like it tastes good.
How did you buy something on Amazon? And why wasn’t it something nice for Mommy?
Is there poop on me? It’s been an hour since I changed a diaper, but I still smell poop.
Did you just buy a porno? You know you aren’t supposed to play with the remote!
What did you do with that booger? I just saw it on your finger…
You can’t ride the dog. He may be as big as a horse and eat like one, but I don’t feel like a trip to the ER or the vet.
Pick it up and eat it. The floors are (relatively) clean.
You’re lucky you’re cute. Enough said.
Be nice to your sister. You might need a kidney one day. Truth.
Don’t share your popsicle with the dog. For the 100th time.
Take that out of our nose and eat it. Because you’re not leaving the table until you’ve eaten your dinner.
Please stop taking off your underwear! I say this on a daily basis.
This is why we can’t have nice things! How do moms have beautiful Pottery Barn white slip covered sofas?
Don’t call me unless the house is burning down. Or if someone is bleeding and you can’t stop it with a tourniquet. I just need a little Mom Time!
If you don’t straighten up, I’m turning this car around. Who am I kidding? I need wine. Just stop it and I’ll get you a cookie at the grocery store.
I feel like every day I say something new that I can’t believe I had to say! What are some funny things you have said as a mother? Leave a comment below!